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New Year Reflections

In five days, 2013 will be merely a memory. In six, 2014 will come gallivanting and we’ll start over. New year, new possibilities, new hopes.

When I was a kid, I spent New Year’s Eve at family parties, where we’d blast the salsas, vallenatos, cumbias, and merengues, and dance, eat, and have fun while we counted down the remaining hours and minutes of the year. Then, right before midnight, the tias and tios would pass around 12 grapes, the suitcases would be placed by the door, and we’d get our champagne–or apple juice for the kids–ready. At the stroke of midnight, the room would burst into a frenzy of hugs and kisses, spilled champagne and “Happy New Year!” Those who wanted to travel in the coming year would take to the streets and walk with the luggage in hand. Those who wanted luck every month of the new year gobbled down the grapes. And everywhere, the air was ripe with the energy of possibility.

Now, I don’t always go out on New Year’s. Some years, like last one, we travel. Others, we stay home, watching the shows in NYC and counting down with the world. But the end of el año viejo and the anticipation of the new one continues to bring about that eagerness of all that could be. And it’s a great moment for reflecting on what was, what is, and what is to come.

This last year was a mixed bag.

Health: there were many challenges, like a flare from hell that lasted for more than half the year and an allergic reaction to a new medicine. But there were also breakthroughs, like the relief that came after getting off said medication and the ensuing period of remission. There were still some hiccups, but overall, the worst (for now) is over.

Writing: I finished a second manuscript and started a third. The second is in the query and contest trenches. I learned more about my writing process, about where my strengths and weaknesses lie. I attended three conferences, finished a Certificate in Creative Writing. I made it through final rounds for Pitch Madness and Baker’s Dozen and even snagged some requests. And I’m finishing off 2013 by working with Dannie Morin, who is my PitchWars mentor. It’s an amazing opportunity. Overall, 2013 for my writing career was successful. I am in a better place than I was at this time last year, and that is success. Sure, there have been rejections and self-doubt and “what-the-hell-am-I-doing?” moments, but I’m coming out all the much stronger for them.

Work: I got to teach some fun classes this year. Hispanic American Literature. Creative Writing. Special topics composition courses, which included The Hunger Games and creative nonfiction. I had students wow me with their work. I’ve heard “You’ve made a reader out of me” and “Because of what we read in class, I knew the answer to a question on Jeopardy.” And I came across this comment, which made my heart swell: “She completely changed the way I read & write and really helped me find my voice in writing.” There were times in the beginning of the year where I struggled–mostly because of my health–but I pushed through. The rewards far outweighed the challenges.

Home: We’ve gotten older and wiser and our faith has grown. We saw our son finish Kindergarten and begin first grade. We rejoiced when he got Principal’s Honor Roll, even though he’d struggled at the start of the year. While we didn’t travel out-of-state this year, we did get to visit Orlando and Jensen Beach a few times. We relaxed and enjoyed our times together. Summer, especially, was nice as I didn’t teach this year and got to fully disconnect. More than anything, I’m in awe of how much my son has grown in one year. It’s insane and scary.

I’m looking forward to what 2014 might bring. I’m hoping for some good news in all fronts, of course, but also excited for what is promised. Friends are having babies, stories are being written, hubby and I are celebrating our ten-year anniversary (and hopefully taking a belated trip to Europe to celebrate!). I’m looking forward to being on break, to more writing conferences, and for the magic of storytelling to continue.

What are you most looking forward to in 2014?

Blog, Writing

I have a blurb for WIP!

It’s still a work in progress, obviously, but here’s the blurb I’m using for NaNo:

Seventeen-year-old Mia Salcedo has her entire future planned out: She’s going to leave Miami and the disaster of her parents’ divorce, attend NYU, and become the world’s greatest writer. But when she’s diagnosed with lupus, her entire world comes to a crashing halt. Determined to stay in denial, she confides in no one, not even her best friend and boyfriend. But it’s not enough. Even the everyday tasks are excruciating, and soon, she’s alienating everyone just when she needs them most. To escape the pain and exhaustion and mockery, she turns to her writing, which literally takes her to the worlds she creates, where she’s free from the constraints of the disease. As she retreats from the real world for longer periods of time, however, her words and worlds become darker, and she’s forced to make a choice: stay and watch everyone she loves fade away, or return to reality and face her reality. But will it be too late to mend the relationships she’s worked so hard at pushing away? And will her health fail her when she needs it most?

Blog, Writing

Eradicating Self-Doubt

One of my favorite quotes about writing is this:

“And by the way, everything in life is writable about if you have the outgoing guts to do it, and the imagination to improvise. The worst enemy to creativity is self-doubt.” –Sylvia Plath

It’s the reminder that, above all, I can never let self-doubt win. Because let’s be honest: everyone doubts themselves. Even if on the exterior they ooze confidence, I guarantee that in the darkest corners of their being, they sometimes, at some point, feel it creeping in. It’s inevitable. I’ve stopped asking, “Is this normal?” and started thinking, “Beat it, punk. I don’t have time for you.”

It’s easy to let the crippling fear of self doubt paralyze you. That bugger is a thorn who craves breaking you. But I think when we realize that this isn’t something unique to us, that even the most fabulous, amazing storytellers among us have felt it and probably still feel it at times, then we can square our shoulders and push self-doubt out. Slam the door shut in its face. Recognize the bait it uses, the repeated pattern of assault and re-entry so we can squash it before it takes hold.

Because if you let it take hold, you will quit. And if you quit, you’ll never reach your dreams. This is something I can’t–and won’t–afford. I know in the deepest part of me, the part that self-doubt tries to overshadow, that I can do this. That I will do this. It’s just a matter of time. In that time, I’ll keep learning, improving because that’s what we have to do. We can’t stay static. (Heck, this is a human reality, not just a writer one. We never stop learning and we never should. Otherwise, what good are we to society? To the world? To ourselves?)

I know I’m not alone. I’ve read blog posts of New York Times best-sellers who tackle this issue. The fear that seeps in with a blank page, with a new series, with revisions. Can I do this? What if I have no more words in me? What if…? And time and time again, the answer is yes, I can do this. Yes, I have more words. Yes….

So self-doubt, hear me: Get the eff out. You’re not welcome in this creative space.

Blog, Writing

Plotting my way to NaNoWriMo

I’m breaking my hiatus. The last few weeks, I’ve been slowly swinging upward. Slowly, I’ve been finding that the pain is a little less severe, the exhaustion a little less debilitating, my energy a little more pronounced, and my breathing a little more at ease. I’m having way more “good” days than “bad” ones and can keep up with the pace of life. I’m cautiously optimistic that it’ll last. After going off the evil med, I didn’t start a new one and I’m holding out hope that maybe I don’t have to. That maybe I can control it with what I’m already on. And maybe–just maybe–I can stop those at some point.

But that’s not what this post is about. Nope. It’s all about NaNoWriMo!

I debated about participating in the National Novel Writing Month (NaNoWriMo) this year. After I finished THROUGH THE WALLED CITY, I’ve been in this lull. Sure, I’m querying, but creatively, I was in an abyss. Where to now? TTWC was done. The PB I was working on sent to a contest. And with the semester in full swing and being inundated with papers to grade, I didn’t know if I had the energy to purse another long project. Not only that, but I had (ahem, have) a list of awesome shiny new ideas but no clue which to pursue next. They were a black hole of ideas. A friend encouraged me to work on something short and fun, and I considered short stories. Then I thought to work on another picture book manuscript. I started it. Then I had an idea for a children’s poem, which I completed and which sucked words back into me. I worked and reworked it and submitted it to a magazine.

I was back to square one with the writing. What next? And NaNo around the corner made me take another long look at those shiny new ideas. I turned them over in my mind on my commute to and from work (I have a loong commute). I poked and prodded them while prepping for class or while my students wrote. And soon, the project took form in such a way, that I wanted to smack my forehead with a resounding DUH. It’s another YA magical realism (or maybe light fantasy?) but it’s different than what I’ve written in the past.

So I have my NaNoWriMo project. I wanted to prepare, but I was running out of time. And I had papers to grade (they’re truly never ending). This weekend, however, I finally had downtime and I started plotting. As I’ve mentioned before, I’m more of a pantser when I begin writing. About half-way, I’ll start plotting. I want to do things differently this time because I’m determined to “win” NaNo. I want to reach 50K by the end of November. Plotting will help me reach that goal.

Monday I put the final plotting touches and I’m excited to start. I’ve been drafting some character sketches, getting acquainted with my main character and her mom. But more than that, I’m excited and a tad bit nervous. Because this will probably be one of the more personal projects I’ve tackled.

In the coming days, I’m going to update my NaNo profile and this blog to include the blurb and tentative title for this project.

And I’m ready to “win.”

 

Blog, Health

Pushing through

There are two quotes that have been my rock recently:

“Nobody said that it would be easy, they just promised it would be worth it.”–Harvey MacKay

“I can do all things through He who gives me strength.”– Philippians 4:13

I haven’t blogged much recently about my journey in navigating UCTD (undifferentiated connective tissue disorder) and fibro. I’ve focused the little blogging time to writing because it’s what makes me happy, what helps me feel whole. And the truth is, I thought this summer would be golden. I wasn’t teaching, I was on a new med, and I would get to write more. I was going to kick this UCTD flare in the rear.

But I didn’t. And I couldn’t.

I got a good month and a half of feeling “well,” where it seemed the medicine was working and where relief was promised. Then I got another month of feeling “well enough” before the tiredness and migraines and pain started again. On top of that, I was getting itchy. Barely two weeks into the new semester, I was about to claw my skin off from the itching, I was exhausted, struggling to work through the days and stay on task. My weekends left me recuperating enough to tackle the next work week. When I finally got a hold of my doctor, I was told it was the Arava, the new medicine, which sometimes causes itching. Thankfully, though, it’s just an allergic reaction and not my liver shutting down. I stopped taking it, but the thing with Arava is it’s a slow-working drug, so you don’t start seeing the results until about 4-6 weeks after you start taking it and when you stop, it can take a couple of weeks for it to get out of your system completely.

I’ve been off Arava for two weeks, and this past one I’ve been feeling myself spiraling back down towards that dark place that exists lodged in the middle of a flare-up. My joints, which I realize now had only mildly and inconsistently ached over the summer, are sore and tender. My hip, shoulders and fingers, especially, are hurting. The morning stiffness in my feet, ankles, and legs is back–and this is something I’d seen an improvement in. I’m exhausted, struggling to keep myself awake driving back home. And the itching is still driving me crazy.

And for a few moments this week, I wanted to tuck myself in a corner and cry. Because I thought it was getting better. Because I finally felt in control of this thing that is an autoimmune disorder and I didn’t want to go back. Because I hate drugs and their side effects that help one thing but screw up another one. Because in my mind, this isn’t how I’m supposed to feel at 33-almost-34. Because this isn’t how things were supposed to work out.

Because I feel broken and discouraged and I hate it.

But I also hate feeling down and staying down. I refuse to let this disease have the upper hand. I have my family, my writing, and my friends, who support me and help me. I remind myself flares are cyclical. The brief moments of feeling better were great, and they will be back. Somehow, at some point. I find strength in my faith and in my family and in my writing.

Then yesterday, I came across this blog post by author Sarah M. Eden and I was inspired and awed and moved by her journey through RA. I felt as if she were speaking to me directly when she said, “I can’t change this, but neither can I simply plop down on the roadside and weep for the rest of my life.” It’s something I know, something I refuse to do, but it’s also something that, when in the midst of a flare, is hard to remember.

“Sometimes the road we are asked to walk in life is harder than we anticipated. In fact, I think it often is. And, yet, it is our road and our journey. There are times when we can stop and see the beauty around us. But there are moments when the simple act of taking a single step requires every ounce of strength and endurance and energy we have,” she writes, and I couldn’t help thinking, YES, this is so true. I know exactly what she means by this. There are times when it takes every effort just to get out of bed.

Her post reminded me of the quote above (“Nobody said it would be easy, they just promised it would be worth it), and indirectly, to writing and getting published. It also reminded me that this life, however broken and imperfect, is mine to make the most of it. And make the most I will.

Blog

Happy Book Birthday to Laura M. Kolar!

Last summer, I had an amazing opportunity to take an online course in LitReactor with literary agent Mandy Hubbard. It was inspiring and informational with awesome critiques. But the best part was getting to meet some fabulous writing friends. In fact, many of us have remained friends and have become critique partners.

One such friend is Laura M. Kolar, who today celebrates the release of her debut novel, CANVAS BOUND (Book 1 in the Captive Art Series).

CanvasBound

About the book from Amazon:

“Sixteen-year-old Libby Tanner’s art comes to life. Her painted skies turn from day to night, leaves rustle on trees, and sometimes, a mystery boy appears. While attending England’s Aldridge Art Academy, Libby meets charming Brent Henderson, a performing arts student who showers her with attention. But his rival, gorgeous Dean James, is the one who occupies her mind, even though he’s very much attached to his current girlfriend. Libby soon learns there’s more to both Brent and Dean than she ever imagined. In order to save her future and the boy who’s captured her heart, she must unlock the secrets behind her art by entering the most dangerous place of all… the world within her paintings. But once she steps into the canvas, she risks being trapped forever.”
I had the privilege of reading CANVAS BOUND early on and I’m dying to read the final product. Laura’s book was the first I beta-read, and the first I saw to fruition, which makes me double–no, triple!–excited. But the thing is, it’s a wonderful read. There’s romance. And magic. And mystery. And romance (wait, I already said that!) When I read it, I couldn’t put it down because I HAD to know what happened. I loved Libby and Dean and Brent and the whole cast of characters. And I loved the magic because seriously, how cool is it to have paintings that come to life!
So if you like YA fiction with a touch of magic, go buy it! And then go follow her on Twitter!
Blog

La Mano Peluda–The Furry Hand

I have fond memories of spending the summers in Colombia when I was a kid. I didn’t get to go every summer, but when I did, I spent just as much time in the city visiting family as I did going to the fincas, or farms. I was lucky that some of my aunts and uncles had them on both Mom and Dad’s side. Some had names I remember to this day, like Villapaz, or Villa of Peace, in Caldas, where I have the image of my Tia Ruth sitting on a stone wall, churning butter. Others were so remote that in order to reach them, we had to travel over a tiny, flimsy wooden bridge–the kind made out of logs tied together, so that crossing over it was a bumpy, jumpy affair. Somehow, my Tio German would get his jeep over it, though people would have to help navigate. And still others were in higher, colder grounds, where every morning a curtain of fog blanketed the finca and surrounding land like the mosquito nets surrounding the beds. Most of the farmhouses contained staples of country living: hammocks, open kitchens and courtyards, parrots, roosters, and beautifully crafted wooden beams and burnt brick tile roofs.

They, along with flowery balconies, are epitomized in the many Colombian crafts sold there and abroad.

Those were times of adventures, of setting out and exploring mountainsides, creeks, and forests. They were also times ripe for ghost tales and mysterious legends, especially the kind to scare children into behaving!

One I remember often is the story of la mano peluda, or the furry hand. I don’t remember much of the actual story behind it. What comes to mind is anecdotal. My cousins and I were in a large room with several beds. Dusk had settled and outside, the noises of the country were settling. Inside this over-packed bedroom with cold cement floors and bare walls, however, was full of the sound of children not wanting to go to sleep. With the lights off, we took to telling stories, with local cousins leading while those of us from abroad listened. That’s when someone–who exactly I can’t remember–started tip toeing, grabbing our ankles in the dark saying, “La mano peluda got you!” You can imagine the screams that elicited.

malfoy-screaming

I always remember that night, just like I do waking up in the morning and stepping out into the wet morning, watching the fog lift back painfully slow until the mountainous surroundings were reveals, and just like I remember the scent of dew and grass and the slow chirping of birds as they awaken. To this day, any time I get up early and step into my backyard, I get sent back to that moment in a Colombian finca.

What I never bothered to find out until recently, however, was the story behind la mano peluda. In Latina.com, I found this, though it most likely refers to the legends across Latin America, not just Colombia:

La Mano Peluda

Imagine lying in bed and feeling a big furry paw grabbing at your feet. La Mano Peluda (or “The Hairy Hand”) is said to belong to a man who was killed during the inquisition, and chopped up and buried in an old Indian cemetery. His hand is said to have come back to life to seek revenge on his enemies while they’re asleep. Our advice: Wear socks at night!

Read more: http://www.latina.com/lifestyle/our-issues/scary-latino-myths-read-or-el-cuco-will-get-you#ixzz2Ye9FO6hT

Then I stumbled on a Facebook page for Mitos y Leyendas de Colombia (Myths and Legends of Colombia) and it said this:

Mito o leyenda de la mano peluda

Se dice que un hombre fue injustamente culpado de robo, por lo que su castigo fue cortarle la mano. El hombre con su mano mutilada juro tomar venganza de todos los que injustamente lo señalaron.

Al tiempo del hombre morir, todos estos hombres que los acusaron tiempo atrás, fueron asesinados por una mano peluda, según un testigo que lo vio todo.

That loosely translates to: “They say that a man was unjustly accused of robbery. For his crime, his hand was cut off. The man swore to avenge himself of all those who accused him. When he died, all those who wrongly accused him were murdered by a furry hand, according to witnesses.” Kinda gruesome, if you ask me! It’s also said that parents will tell their children this to make sure they behave. Go figure.

And then there’s this, which I found in a forum:

La Mano Peluda

Localizada en México y Colombia. Común en los subterráneos de las casas. Es una mano grande y velluda de uñas grandes que se asoma por las ventanas o los huecos de los muros. Sirve para infundir temor a los niños traviesos, malcriados y callejeros. En México se cree que llega por las noches y te toca mientras duermes.

“Located in Mexico and Colombia. Common in basements of houses. It’s a large, hairy hand with large nails that peeks through windows or holes in walls. It’s used to strike fear in mischievous, bratty, and wandering children. In Mexico, it’s believed that it comes at night and touches you while you sleep.”

Just one of those things that goes bump in the night. 😉

Blog, Writing

UCLA Writers’ Extension Certificate: DONE!

I just received notification that I’ve completed my requirements for UCLA Writers’ Extension Creative Writing Certificate in fiction! I’m beyond thrilled!!! When I first found out, I did a little of this:

dancingGIF

And this

tumblr_inline_mh4dayUnl91r98ubw

 

I know it’ll feel even more real when I receive the certificate in the mail. And when I take advantage of the manuscript critique, which is part of the program. It’s been such an amazing experience. I’ve met some fabulous writers and made some great friends with whom I still keep in touch. I’ve had inspiring instructors who’ve helped me dissect my writing. I’ll forever be indebted to the faculty I’ve had for cheering me on, for pushing me, challenging me, and believing in me. I’ll continue taking classes periodically, even though I’m done, because I want to keep growing as a writer.

Hopefully some day, I’ll be one of their success stories. 🙂

 

Blog, Writing

Research is cool!

Something I’ve had to do a lot for my current project is research, research, research, especially since my MC visits parts of the past in Cartagena. I’ve tapped into the skills learned during my graduate school days and realized just how much I actually enjoy researching.

Great, you say. First, revisions rock. Now, research is cool? What’s next? Working hard is fun?

Well, yeah. Just hear me out!

Now, I have the benefit that I’m Colombian, and though I’m more familiar with the cities inland (Medellin and Manizales) since that’s where I visited most often, I grew up listening to stories about the coastal cities of Cartagena, Barranquilla and Santa Marta since that’s where many Colombians go for vacation. Even now, I chat with my cousin about her visits there. It’s like us going to Disney for the weekend. But I still needed facts. My starting point was Google, where I found some awesome websites and images. Particularly, I found this Facebook group Fotos Antiguas de Cartagena. It has old pictures (and sometimes paintings) of Cartagena, some dating back to the late 1800’s. It’s been SO COOL.

I mean, look at this

Entrance

and this

Streetview circalate 1800s

The visuals are pretty darn awesome. But that’s not all. I had to learn about Colombia’s history, and more specifically, Cartagena’s. That led to some pretty neat discoveries as I placed my own family’s history (which thanks to my uncle I’ve been able to trace back to the mid-1800’s in a post independence Colombia). So there’s a personal connection, which makes this research that much more fascinating.

Then I scoured my library’s resources, and I’ve located documents from the colonization period, including those from Sir Frances Drake’s raid on and ransom of the seaport colony. I have books and articles on architecture, history, fashion, and political happenings.

What I love about this process, and what I find so “cool” is the learning aspect of this process. I’m telling a story, sure, and it’s fiction. But the basis for some of the events are real. And though it’s not quite historical fiction, the city’s history is an integral part to the story.

So yeah. Research is cool. You get to learn new things, and as vague as that statement is, it’s part of what makes this journey worth it.