At the risk of sounding like a whining child, this sucks. This feeling of being crippled by pain because of stress or because of an emotional upset. I mean, really, am I supposed to live, from now on, completely void of stress and anger? I don’t think that’s possible.
The start of the term has brought with it that familiar deep throbbing in my bones and joints, and I’m only three days into the term.
Consciously, I know there might be a number of factors at work here. It’s the first week back, which is always the toughest as my body and mind transition from a period of rest to a period of constant activity. Then, there was that dispute I had with my son’s teacher, which thoroughly pissed me off and left me steaming since Wednesday. And of course, there’s t nervousness that comes with first days of class; though I’m not plagued with nightmares like I was when I started teaching, my heart still quickens, my palms still sweat, and I swear my voice still shakes a teeny tiny bit. In the back of my mind, I also consider the fact I’m not on the corticosteroid anymore, leaving me easy prey to the fibromyalgia and UCTD.
Regardless, I know this pain all too well. And it sucks.
But it’s curious; something I find myself thinking now is that I don’t want to give in. I liked feeling well enough this past term (after, of course, the first week passed). And dammit I’m going to feel well. I’m hoping once this next week is over, my body will begin to ease out of the pain. Without the corticosteroid. With rest. I can’t do it without rest, that’s for sure, but I think (I hope?) I can do it without more drugs.
Last year ended really well; I guess I was hoping to start 2012 the same way: feeling well.
Alexandra Alessandri 