I’m sad to see the end of summer here. Next week, it’s back to work and I’m nervous – because the exhaustion, fatigue and pain are back, because sometimes, I don’t know if I’m strong enough.
I think that’s the rub – I don’t know if I’m strong enough to get through this. On the good days, which I’ve been blessed with this summer, I feel I can do anything: I can go with my son to the zoo, the mall, the pool, to birthday parties; I can play basketball with him (albeit if just for a little while); I can engage him in fun activities. I can stay up for a few hours after both my husband and son have gone to sleep and write. I can clean the house, cook fabulous meals, and run errands. I can be a good wife, mother, and writer.
But on the bad days when I’m so tired I feel this weight on me that keeps me down and drowsy, I worry that I won’t be able to pull through it. I worry that everything my mind wants to do becomes null because my body just doesn’t respond to it. I want to do these things, but I can’t. And I feel useless and a failure.
It always works out somehow, though – right? One way or another, we get through the sludge and pain and emerge stronger.